Happy

These days, I have lots to smile about. 

I have this pleasantly strange feeling 

like everything's falling into place.

I've got You to thank for that,

and my angel Kathrina Tiudy

who's probably been having coffee with you

up there with a nice view.

Hmmmn.

After a long hiatus.... here I am, attempting to string words, short and sweet, to explain the long pause between my last entry and now, this.

But I changed my mind.

There's no need to explain, to update, to connect the dots.

My life now is like a photo being dipped into a pail of fixer. Blurry, wet images forming into splotches of color.

The person in the picture is faceless. And as it forms a figure, a smile, a shape, the water suddenly ripples. Then I wake up.

Thinking about Routes

I often ask myself, wouldn't it be easier if God just whispered to you what your personal legend is (borrowing a term from Coehlo) Just a teensy tiny hint. Or He can go visual, like if I'm walking outside and He lets me see a light shining on a word or phrase. Anything!

But then again, where's the challenge in that? What of free will, or objective thinking? I guess like most people, there's a struggle between following one's heart or mind. Follow your heart, what does that even mean? So I guess by dropping the personal legend-whispering, we are taught to carve our own journeys and choose our own paths? Sounds cliche but it's true.

Our lives, if we try looking ahead, is made of of forked roads. We can go this way or that. We can walk in circles, or some choose to just stop and rest altogether by not budging any more.

My take is that sometimes though, He lets us see this road map of zigs and zags so that we can decide for ourselves which is our way to "the destination".

Until then, the map is a senseless route and we'd get lost over and over.

Yes, I'm looking at my road map now and I'm getting nervous. But with faith, I know He's got it covered.

Learn Something New. That's it, pansit!

Finally!!!! Can't believe I AM BLOGGING...again. It's been a while. From the start of 2011 up to the end of March, it was non-stop school and work for me. Overflowing readings and papers, classes to attend, scripts to voice, deadlines to beat, shoots to supervise, segments to write. Not that I'm complaining. He. :)

So anyway, since it's sembreak (YEEEY!) and I've been going through a withdrawal (I wake up at 4 am every morning, my body's way of saying it's not used to a, uhm, less action-packed schedule), I'm thankful for this time I'm able to think over things in my life...naks! In short, nagmuni-muni (what is this word's etymology anyway?)

Well, because I just want to let this out. And you know, something I can glance at when I'll be confused or depressed in the future (not looking forward to that though! haha). I just want to put on record that despite everything I've gone through since college and joining the real world, I am finally able to say that I am happy. Not WHOOPEE happy, or tearful BOO-HOOO happy. But just simply and wonderfully happy. I realized the best thing that I did in my adult life was going back to school. Because once you start working and you're working really hard, sometimes it gets mechanical and you kind of forget the point of everything: which is to learn something new. When do people get burned out or bored at work? It's because they forgot to be curious of the littlest things and getting something out of every experience. And school (masteral) taught me that. I'm taking up Masteral in Communication, the same thing I do for work, but I'm taking up lots of classes the likes of which I never heard in college like New Media, Organizational Communication, Media Studies, Development Comm. Some people will find this dorky, but, well...I am...essentially a dork. Proud to be one!

How did I go through a hell semester with three subjects (one of them's the toughest one Communication Research, which people normally take last and with just that one subject), and lots of projects to finish for work? I live by this principle -- Philosopher Vernon Howard (1918- 1992) said this:

"Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will."

It's simple, but for me, that says a lot. I can live by this statement all my life and I know I'll be fine. I'll get through life okay :)

You know when you have that feeling, that instinct that you are where you are supposed to be? That's what I'm feeling now. All the choices, decisions, both good and bad, that I made before -- all led me to where I am now, and I'm just so thankful to Him, my good friend God, my family gosh my family who really supports me (yeah I know I'm a lucky gal), my boyfriend and bestfriend Sam and all my friends. I am just grateful. I'm not preachy religious type, but yes, everything I have now, it all belongs to Him. It is in His greatness that I live.

One time, my boyfriend, who was going through a lot at work, told me he thinks of me every time he's on the verge of exploding. He told me if I get through all the things I do, why can't he? My heart almost melted. I almost cried :(

I guess every time I hear it from him and my friends that they draw strength from me, that toughens me up. I draw strength from them as well. It's a a circle of bonding and strength that has no end.

Some people might judge me and say why I'm not getting married yet, you know having kids and all that jazz, how can I possibly explain to them all these? I am still exploring life, how can I give this up to give life to another human being? It's not that I don't want that, I just know it's not yet the time. No hurries!

Photo from: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=life#/d1562bu

Baguio Booking (opopop!... i don't mean the gay term "booking"!)

Went to Mt. Cloud BookShop in Baguio. I realized how much I love books, especially fiction and someday, I want to have a book shop of my own. But I like the romance and mystery behind second hand books, then perhaps, spicing up the experience with tea, coffee and pastries. Hmm.... just the thought of it makes me happy :)

Mt. Cloud was pretty small but the selection of books was interesting. I love that it had zines and graphic novels drawn and printed (xeroxed!) by local artists. Prices of regular books (meaning books with publishers) are a bit steep though, not much difference from Manila. Still, the cold weather, combined with the warm cozy feel of the store, plus coffee from a nearby Cafe made the experience definitely worth it. I could've stayed for hours in Mt. Cloud, but we had more places to visit in our itinerary. But I will definitely be back!

Mt. Cloud is located at Casa Vallejo, at Hill Station in Baguio City.

Isang Taon.

Dear Tiudy,

Uy kamusta ka na? Grabe isang taon ka nang hindi nagpakita! Wish ko lang ganun lang kadali yun eh no. Parang facebook o text message lang sa isang kaibigan—“hoy isang taon ka nang hindi nagpakita sa’min!” sabay magre-reply ka, “busy lang, promise dinner tayo soon, kelan kayo puwede?”

picture 'to namin nila diaz, na naka-display sa closet ni tiuds. hanggang ngayon, ganoon pa rin ang ayos ng kuwarto niya.

Naka-ilang eksena na rin akong ganito. Nung minsan, newly renovated ang bahay, ang instinct ko agad hanapin ang pangalan mo sa phonebook ko at yayain ka. O kaya sa umaga, pagliko ko sa kanto sa may sakayan ng FX, hanapin yung babaeng maputi na naka-China Bank uniform, kumaway at sumigaw ng “Tiudy!!!” Recently, nung gumagawa ako ng listahan ng mga kaibigan kong bibigyan ko ng Christmas gift, naluha na lang ako bigla kasi ikaw agad yung naisip kong isulat. Oo, alam ko, magastos ka regaluhan kasi dapat bongga lagi gift ko sayo, pero mas pipiliin ko pang magsayang ng libo-libo, kahit milyon-milyon ngayon, mabuhay ka lang, makasama ka keysa makatipid ngayong Pasko sa mga kaibigan (kasi naman sa kuripot kong ‘to, P50-P100 lang ang budget ko sa mga friends at ang iba pa nga hindi ko niregaluhan).

Isang taon. Hindi ako makapaniwala na isang taon lang ang nakakaraan, bandang alas-kuwatro ng umaga, nag-flat yung life line at binawian ka na ng buhay. At ilang oras bago noon, mga bago mag-12 midnight, sinabi ng duktor sa magulang mo na 'yun na, wala nang pagasa. Kasi nung bago nung oras na yun, umaasa pa kaming lahat eh. Ayan tuloy naiiyak nako. Sorry na. Alam ko ayaw mo na'ko umiyak, at masaya ka na diyan. Masakit lang kasi talaga mawalan ng kaibigan at alam mo ‘to, na kaunti lang ang mga kaibigan ko. At kahit na nawalan ako ng oras sa'yo dati at nagkaroon tayo ng mga pagkakatampo, ikaw pa din at wala nang iba yung number one na kaibigan ko. Sa'yo ko lang kaya magpaka-totoo. Sayo ko lang kinuwento lahat-lahat, tungkol sa pamilya ko, sa lovelife ko, insecurities, sa mga pangarap, mga kagagahan ko. Ikaw lang yung talagang nakakaintindi sa'kin.

Minsan, pag nalulungkot ako, inaalala ko yung boses mo pag tumatawag ka sa bahay, habang may nginunguya ka pa, tas bubungangaan mo muna ko, sabay kakamustahin. O yung pang-aasar mo sa’kin ng mataba o pikon. Namimiss ko 'yun eh. Lahat yun. Pati yung pang-iisa mo sakin sa taxi fare at sa pamasahe. Tiudy, tingin ko hindi ako makaka-recover ever sa pagkawala mo. I don’t think I ever will. Minsan lang may dumating na ganoong klaseng friendship sa buhay ng tao…at hindi yun napapalitan o nahihilom ng panahon, ng tao, lugar, bagay, o ala-ala. Thankful pa din ako na nakilala kita at nakasama ng maraming taon. Okay na ‘yun. Nagpapasalamat na’ko ng sobra-sobra kay Lord nu’n.

Salamat Tiudy sa pagiging kaibigan sa akin…alam ko wala tayo masyadong common traits pero for some reason, hinatak mo’ko nung grade 3 at muli, noong 1^st year highschool, at simula noon, naging bestfriends na tayo. Dati-rati nagiisip pako, diba dapat ang magkaibigan magkapareho ng ugali, ng hilig? Pero hindi pala. Mahal mo 'yun tao despite everything, kaibigan mo siya at tinatanggap ang lahat-lahat sa kanya. 'Period. 'Yan ang natutunan ko sayo, kaya salamat talaga…Grabe isang taon na Tiuds, may konsepto ba ng taon, minuto, segundo diyan? Tingin ko wala, feeling ko endless yung oras…. Oh well malalaman ko din kapag panahon ko na, 'pag panahon na din natin magkita’t maglunch at icecream diyan sa Taas at chumika nang chumika nang walang sawa…

-Alina