Falling for the Zohan

When You Don't Mess with the Zohan premiered last 2008, comedy fans and escapists like me trooped to the cinema and almost fell off our chairs laughing. Ironic and improbable as it was, Zohan (played by Adam Sandler) is a tough Israeli Commander who fakes his death to pursue his dream of becoming a hair-stylist in New York.

Still, I always felt guilty behind my laughter because I didn't agree with the overall politics of the film. Looking at it in a critical way, given the history of the Middle East and America, Zohan was created to distantiate the American citizen from his fear of stereotypi

cal, dark-haired, bearded and terrorist Middle Eastern man. Zohan might have been an anti-terrorist go-to-guy, but he never thought twice in employing violent tactics to get ahead of his enemies. Worse, Zohan is reduced to dreaming the American dream. And this is the country that has decades of history of warfare and injustice against the Middle East, reasoning that it's counter-terrorism. In the end, the film producers conceal the truth and naturalize the wars and racism in the form of an amusing and hilarious comedy film.

But film texts and politics aside, a recent experience made me remember Zohan, the straight, sex machine hair-stylist, whose got hundreds of older women lining up for a hair cut and more. The sex part was an exaggeration and green humor device I suppose. But I guess the logic was that these women loved Zohan because here's a guy who knew how to make a woman not only look beautiful, but also feel beautiful.

Last weekend, I think I might have found my Zohan. :-)

Fate led me to a an upper-class type parlor is Metropolis, Ortigas. My Zohan (for the purposes of this article, I'll call him this way) was sporting a tight collared shirt, a hairstyle too funky and hip to be a straight guy's. A leather bag full of scissors and hairstyling what-not strapped to his bulging chest, my Zohan cleared his throat and smiled as the receptionist introduced us. My Zohan was too masculine to be gay!

There was no seductive, sizzling shampooing experience. But it was just sexy the way he said, "Ako bahala"("Leave it to me") to my "Uhm, I have no idea what to do with my hair".

Smooth and silky-- this was Zohan's motto, in the film that is.

And that is what my Zohan exactly did. He dyed my hair light brown, fit to my fair skin, he said. Then softened the the bristles and tassles with a good old warm hot oil treatment. But the best part was, the cutting of hair!

He was in control, concentrating on the task at hand. He cut, then gazed at me, lifted a pile of hair, stared then cut again. But always, always, glancing at me with an abrupt gaze. And I just knew this guy, My Zohan, is a sensitive woman's man, who knew important it was for a girl to feel beautiful. Forget those guys who laughed and hissed at their girlfriend's 30-minute powder room break! Who didn't give a damn if it's a light blue chiffon dress or a silky red ensemble. Or didn't even notice his girl's got a new hair style. Here is a guy who finally understood.

When he applied his finishing touches and unhooked the white gown, I had to stop myself from demanding more, "Pakiiklian pa nga!" I was devastated it had to end. And I knew all there was left to do was give him a hearty tip and the sweetest smile I could muster.

And now I just can't wait for my hair to grow back and find another reason to visit my Zohan for another beauty session.

I Love You, Goodbye

First things first. Let me clarify that this is not a movie review.

This is what I have resolved not to write once I stepped out of the movie house, with my face furrowed with a mixture of disdain and disbelief. Besides, it's not even an hour's worth of writing!

But you are now, you say.

Again, this is not a review. I write this on behalf of my responsibility as an intelligent viewer and a graduate of Filmmaking in U.P. Diliman. I do this because I’m a concerned citizen.

Sure, just like everyone else who paid the expensive tickets, I was deceived that the film, though in its obvious commercial/mainstream value, still has a great story to tell. I also felt it was interesting to see how Angelica Panganiban's thespian skills have evolved since Santa Santita. And yeah, it didn't hurt Derek Ramsey is such a catch!

In the film, Angelica Panganiban is Leizl, a coffee shop barista living in with Dr. Adrian (played by Gabby Concepcion). Adrian is a rich man, soon to be divorced to his ex-wife, played by Angel Aquino.

Early on in the film, the all-too-familiar theme of economic status difference is revealed. Adrian's mom is the quintessential matriarch, who thinks poor Leizl is just after her son's money. Boohoo. Leizl appears to carry on, believing that Adrian's love is enough, even as Adrian's daughter Issa (Kim Chiu) apparently loathe her and did not waste any screen time to show her predictable bratty, attention-hungry portrayal.

But hang on, viewer! This is not the story altogether. Surely, there's a twist. And sweet and obedient as Leizl is (like a puppy on her sugar daddy's lap!), a poor girl like her certainly has ghosts in her closet. In a long, seemingly unending, distasteful flashback, we find out that two years ago, Leizl was madly in love with Gary (played by real-life boyfriend Derek Ramsay), a struggling, lower-class and blue-collared worker like her. They were happy and had the grandest plans for a bright future ahead. In a few days, they were off to work in a cruise ship, to earn lots of moolah. Only one test to go and they were off. Unfortunately, Leizl wasn’t able to jump off the boat out of an anxiety attack. Gary is furious and leaves for the cruise ship, without even saying goodbye. This left poor Leizl heart-broken and lonely.

Without even attempting to heal on her own, Leizl finds solace in the arms of Adrian, who, coincidentally is the doctor who treated her for her anxiety attack (note that Adrian was a heart surgeon in the film. To the writers, did you actually do some research?).

When Gary comes back to the Philippines for Leizl, our protagonist is torn between him and Adrian. It is in these parts that I find Leizl's characterization offensive. At first, she was seemingly loyal to Adrian. But when Adrian became aloof and cold-hearted to her one day, Leizl was quick to jump ship and have sex with her ex. When both men propose marriage to her, Leizl chooses Gary over Adrian.

I Love You Goodbye is portraying a Filipina heroine as someone who is subordinate to men, and relies her happiness and identity to men. Shown as weak, fickle and impulsive, Leizl is an object that men compete for. They brandish their shiny cars, riches and diamond rings to win the woman's affection and eventually, love. And yes, a woman's woes and aches can be erased when the church bells ring and a man finally marries her.

When Gary doesn't show up at their meeting place to elope, Leizl is again a mess. But, well, there's a guy waiting for me at home, Leizl thinks. I might as well marry this guy.

Just as the film was about to end with Leizl's conlusion to marry her "second choice, it is revealed that Gary died on his way to meet Leizl. And Adrian was the informant who reported his death. I guess this is the part they say the film resembled Unfaithful. Leizl confronts Adrian, who confesses that he knew for some time about Leizl's affair. That in his jealousy, he confronted Gary to walk away and leave him and his future bride alone. But in an illogical, hilarious and contrived twist of fate, Gary is ran over by a speeding car.

And for the final blow of it all, I Love You Goodbye concludes with a happy ending. A utopian world, that might as well have been a scene in twilight zone, where all is forgiven and forgotten.

And love simply conquered all, smoothing out the edges, erasing all the evil in the world.

The characters can smile all they want, but it cannot fool me and the rest of the moviegoers. Again, Star Cinema shows us how their cowardice in telling genuine stories and reflecting the realities of life.

Instead, their example and the rest of the rotten films of MMFF 2010 are constant insults to the great films produced in MMFF in the past. Remember Mike de Leon’s “Kung Mangarap Ka’t Magising” (1977) and “Kisapmata” (1981), Ishmael Bernal’s “Himala” (1982), Lino Brocka’s “Ina Ka Ng Anak Mo” (1979), and Chito Roño’s “Dekada ’70” (2002).

Wake up, movie big wigs! It's time to put your money and influence to good use. Revive Philippine Cinema's golden era now!

SlumDog Millionaire

SlumDog Millionaire was nominated for 10 Academy Awards and won 8, including Best Picture and Best Director. This, despite being a seeming underdog, in a Hollywood world of big stars.

How did they do it?

A. It's another one of those poverty stories. Thus, there's the human interest element in it.
B. America wanted to look like it's actually caring for the Third World.
C. Danny Boyle is a great director.
D. It is the best.

The movie started with a similar question: how did Jamal Malik, a street kid from the slums managed to be one question away from winning 20,000,000 rupees in Who Wants to be a Millionaire? Did he cheat? Was he lucky, a genius? Or because it is written.

That simple, yet stark question transports us to the sullied, rough streets of Mumbai, made more brutal with its desolate parallelism with the bright lights of the television studio.

Jamal and older brother Salim are far from having a charmed life. When their mother dies during a Hindu versus Islam attack, Jamal and Salim had no choice but to fend for themselves, adding to the already big statistic of homeless, street kids in India. Together with the "third musketeer" Latika, they face the harsh realities of being orphans in Mumbai.

And Slum Dog millionaire serves the harshness hot, fresh and guileless. From falling into the hands of gangsters to beg for money-- to working, peddling and stealing in trains, and working as tour guides in Taj Mahal, Jamal and Salim eventually grow up. Salim is a hardened dangerous deviant while Jamal is his exact opposite. But the one thing that drives him to go on in life is his great love for Latika.

Even after several years of parting ways with Latika (she is left behind when the brothers run away from the gangsters), Jamal convinces his brother to go back and search for her. Little did they know, far more dangerous ordeals await them in the Mumbai underground scene.

Touching on sensitive and serious themes, SlumDog succeeded in inserting humor here and there, in places you will not expect. This device is irony at its finest. The best example? Let me say Danny Boyle's depiction of the dirtiest restroom in Trainspotting is nothing close to this!

But what made SlumDog easy on the eyes and lovable to watch was its central theme of Jamal and Latika's love story. It's bittersweet, most times frustrating and heart-aching. It just made me want to shout and root for them. Or even to yell at the top of my voice on the scene when Jamal is meeting up with Latika to escape, "Look out,the villain's coming!"


A. It's another one of those poverty stories.
C. Danny Boyle is a great director.

Based on the novel Q and A by Vikas Swarup, SlumDog Millionaire is indeed a poverty story. There are already existing documentaries and films touching on this topic. But SlumDog brings home the award with an exceptional backbone of the poverty-- a striking contrast with a quiz show promising instant fortune. And sure, it helps that it's timely, with this period being the era of reality and quiz shows. In fact, the SlumDog can be in Wowowee in our country (Hep! Hep! Hooray!) Another definite plus is the fact that Director Danny Boyle and his team actually got real-life slum kids to act in the film.

British Danny Boyle, director of Trainspotting and Sunshine, did more than doing his homework by not only immersing in the Mumbai slums, but also by paying homage to Hindu commercial cinema. The opening chase scene in the movie was actually based on the "12-minute police chase through the crowded Dharavi slum" in Black Friday (adapted from S. Hussein Zaidi's book of the same name about the 1993 Bombay bombings). The autograph whose Jamal sought at the start of the film was actually Bollywood Star Amihtab's, who is kind of like our "FPJ" here.

And the result is a thorough well-researched take on poverty in India.


B. America wanted to look like it's actually caring for the Third World.

The Oscars has actually been a credible award-giving body (pretty much the opposite here in the Philippines), with its history track of awarding notable stand outs, more recently Crash in 2006 and No Country For Old Men in 2007. I have to give it to them for not going for Benjamin Button. So, no, definitely SlumDog won not because it's a "third world" story.


My answer?
D. It is the best.

And yes, perhaps, IT IS WRITTEN. Slumdog captured the hearts of millions worldwide.

WATCHMEN

A superhero known as "The Comedian" is far from being funny and humorous. A cynical and flawed man, he is a maniac and a killer. It's all a joke, he says.

But when one of the superheroes, Rorschach, finds a smiley pin with a blood stains on a gutter, his investigation of The Comedian's murder leads him and the other superheroes to something even bigger than themselves.

I haven't even glimpsed the graphic novel. But the hype and the visual effects I saw on the trailer was enough to make me watch the movie twice in the big screen.

Zach Snyder, Director of "300" did not disappoint. The movie started with a stunning credits, shot live action, but as if they were still pictures with one or two elements moving. The credits narrated the rise and fall of super heroes. How eventually, most of them were forced to retirement or silence.

Until the murder.

Besides a great soundtrack and ironic fight scenes, I liked the way the movie characterized each super hero. Watchmen deviated from the usual super hero movie. Superman as an alien who landed on earth, with bionic powers. Spider Man, a quintissential geek who gets bitten by a genetically enhanced spider. The death of his uncle taught him moral idealism with his last words, "With great power comes great responsibility."

In Watchmen, Rorschach is a psychotic, masked vigilante man. "A comic book villain," Ozymandias aka Adrian Veidt said. Nite Owl, known as Dan, is a weak, confused guy with "a school boy super hero act." Dr. Manhattan, the only super hero with real powers is god-like (not to mention being well-endowed, I can't forget its blueness!). He can kill and destroy with a flick of his hand, can see the past and future, but is slowly retreating from humanity, and ironically has emotional problems of his own. Laurie/Silk Spectre is caught between two heroes-- Nite Owl and Dr. Manhattan and is finally coming to terms with the truth of her identity.

No one is super hero-like. They are real people, with real problems, only they have masks, costumes and heightened physical skills to distinguish themselves from the rest of us.

No doubt the material of the film is rich and by the story itself, is unique, something new-- a radical take on the concept of super heroes. Who's watching over them? Is it God? What are they saving mankind for?

"Are you kidding? We're protecting them from themselves," The Comedian said.

"Why should I save the world I no longer have any stake in?", Dr. Manhattan asked.

An in-depth analysis of the super heroes led to deconstructing of human nature itself. Man is created selfish and imperfect.

In the end, Dr. Manhattan's sacrifice, almost Jesus-like, led to the further extinction of super heroes. And the only one who was real and uncompromising ended up committing suicide. And mankind? Who knows if they will ever change?

Unfortunately, though Watchmen was rich with a unique story and has powerful effects and imagery, I couldn't help but think the good material was enclosed in a typical narrative, caught within the pressures of formulaic Hollywood.

It was supposed to be character driven, sadly the plot drove the characters instead. There were scenes that were "cheeky", especially towards the end.

I couldn't help but think that at the start up to the middle of the film, the director had a certain movement or treatment he wanted. But from the middle to the ending, he reverted to contenting himself with a typical story-telling.

Too bad for the heroes, who weren't trite and typical at all.

When I left the movie house the second time around, I wondered if super heroes will ever rise again after all that happened.

And if they do, what kind of super heroes will they be? Say in 2020?

My only hope is that a new Watchmen story is in the works. And if I'm still alive when the movie version is shown, I wouldn't miss it for the world.