I don't want to actually call it a dilemma. The word sounds negative to me. I guess it's one of those times I need to think, re-think and make a sound and intelligent decision.
I'm one of those lucky ones who have a parents and a kind-hearted brother who fully support me. Those times when I was in despair and sorrow in a previous job (and tried my best to endure and keep silent, afraid to disappoint my family should I ever decide to quit), my brother literally rescued me.
We were in a plane on our way home from Boracay, when Kuya Ariel talked to me. He said he noticed how unhappy I was. And that if I resign, it was okay for him. He knew I was planning to take Post-Graduate studies ever since I started working (unfortunately, my load at work made studying impossible) so he gave me an offer I could not refuse: he will fund my Masteral studies. I knew my brother just wanted me to be happy and alive again. I thought about it and finally decided to give it a go.
But then, Ondoy destroyed our home.
The sight of our tattered house, our appliances and furniture soaked to the brim, mud water trickling from our ceiling were enough to turn my head three-hundred-sixty degrees. Those two days when our home was submerged in mud water, we wept-- my sister, my mother, my brothers and I. We couldn't believe it happened to us.
So I deferred my studies and without informing my family, I scouted for work. I was lucky I got two job interviews the week after Ondoy and both companies hired me. But I chose, of course, the one which was closer to home, located in Ortigas.
For this, I have no regrets. Even though my brother was disappointed. On my fulfillment with work, I would have to devote another blog entry. :-)
June is fast approaching and I find myself in another crossroad. My brother hoped my KCh. stint was just a summer-long deal. He brought it up again:" study full time first, you're not getting any younger."
It's a privilege that I have. As my Mommy said, any girl, any person, would grab the opportunity to study full-time, with a full allowance.
But right then, I paused. I thought it over, toyed with the idea.
I remembered my Mom. How she worked full time in radio parts factory just to finance her education, studying journalism in UST. How she nodded her head during classes, exhausted from overtime work. How she scrimped on her allowance so she can take more units in school. How she worked for 35 years in a simple office in a state university, because she was aware she needed stability to raise us -- a brood of 6.
My mom-- she has sacrificed so much in her life, just so me and my brothers and sister could live a good life. Without her, I would not have the privilege that I have now.
But would I be a brat and take it? Or would I rather be like my mother, who, forty plus years ago, rode jeepneys and broke a sweat, read piles of books and hand outs at past 12 m.n. and woke up at 6 a.m.?
I wish I can explain this to Kuya Ariel, who would surely scratch his head in confusion.
I wish there was a way to tell him what kind of woman I want to be, and am becoming.
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