Kathrina Tiu dy appears to be offline.

Kathrina Tiu Dy appears to be offline. In yahoo messenger, that is.

It's been almost 10 months since my bestfriend Kat Tiudy passed away.

I dread the day January 10th of next year comes, cause that will be the first year anniversary of her death.

Sometimes I forget she's gone. Like one good thing happens, and I immediately think, "hey I'm going to text Tiudy" or recently, when our house was newly renovated, she was the first one I thought of, who I'd love to invite. I said, "Wait 'til Tiuds sees this" then I remember. And all the memories of her death flood back.

Her facebook page is still online, with a lot of her friends and relatives posting and saying hi, tagging photos of her. I open my facebook account and there on the right side, it says "Say hi to Kathrina". I like that her facebook page is still there, it's soothing to think she's still here with us in space, even if it means cyber space. I love to see her smile on her profile picture, because I like imagining her happy in heaven and I know she is. I haven't erased her on yahoo, and her name's still on my phone book. It's not that I'm not yet over her death. I just like holding on to her face, her laugh, her jokes, her life. I don't like my Tiuds to be forgotten...ever.

For the past months, her facebook page is where we all meet -- our batchmates and her different circles of friends and we find comfort in her and in each other.

Here are some of interesting posts on her wall:

Nina Kristine Ona Dello hi tiudy.. i dreamt of you last night... please guide and pray for us. love you!! =)

Pau Perez mama kat =) malapit na christmas namimiss na nila tinitinda mong bags =) mwah love u

Dyan Cruz katchu... guide me naman o...

Kb Contreras i miss u tiuds.... I need you ngaun... Paki sbe nmn sa bossing natn jan sa taas... Alalay sakin ng konti... Thanks tiuds...

Miguel Vargas Ate Kat alam mo naman malaki natulong mo sakin, maraming salamat.. Naka Close rin ako isa ulit wit Ate April.. I hope ur doin great dyaan sa Heaven=)

Ems Gonzales ei tiudy! nakita kita sa "keep in touch" ko. musta ka naman dyan, ganda? balitaan mo ko ha. mwah!;p

Corinne Javier tiubby....akala ko ok na ko. pero kanina, nung nadaanan namin yung harbour square, soooobrang nalungkot ako at pinigil kong maiyak, tinext ko nga agad si karl. dun tayo huling nag gimik na lahat. i soooooo miss you :(

Great posts right? Tiudy is our angel in heaven and a lot of times when I pray to God, I talk to her afterwards. I've started a Dear Tiudy diary, where I tell her everything, my deepest fears, my high moments, and just make small talk. I'd like to imagine she's just listening, laughing her heart out, probably saying "Para kang tanga Alina."

Recently, I prayed and I told her 'Tiuds, miss na kita, paramdam ka naman." And she did, that same night. Again, nagpakita siya sa dreams ko. In the dream, we were wearing our St. Paul uniforms and we were shopping in a huge grocery (we always are shopping in our dreams, the last time we were in a huge accessories department store). I was talking to her and we were catching up. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but in the dream, she told me I was the only one who could see her. So the other shoppers and grocery staff were looking at me weirdly. We bought a lot of things, mostly junkfood -- potato chips and for some reason, cereals!? I don't know why!

Today, I opened my yahoo messenger and I saw her name on my friends' list.

I sent her a message: "Miss na kita sobra."

It said:

Kathrina Tiudy appears to be offline.

He or she will receive your messages after signing in.

But of course yahoo's wrong. She doesn't have to sign in to know.